I had a difficult time understand SW tanks at first. Of course, I thought I had a decent understanding of how the water chemistry works but in the short time I have had SW tanks, I have really started to understand just how forgiving my FW tanks were. The balance is so difficult. I thought that if my nitrates were low, I was ok. The fact is, that they should be at 0. It took an open brain, 2 peppermint shrimp, and a couple of zoa's to really understand that. Now, I freak out and do a water change if I see any nitrates. If you need help, you need to give the people that can help you very, very specific infomation. Such as, you water parameters:
Nitrites
Nitrates
Phosphates
pH
Alkalinity
Salinity
Also, maybe I'm misunderstanding what you wrote. What I see, is that you got food from your LFS to target feed your xenia, nem, urchin, feather duster and slug. You should be feeding your nem chopped up (according to his size) clam, shrimp, silversides, krill, or mussells.
Coral can die over days, weeks, or months. The problem is that I know that I'm not trained to notice every change in every coral and sometimes, once they start to die, you don't notice it. Then, by the time you do, it may be too late. Hopefully, yours will be okay. Has his color faded, say gotten lighter? I'm wondering why your nem would go towards a window and not try to climb higher to the light that's closer?
Anyone else have an idea?