OT: Need a laugh??
- Thread starter Woodstock
- Start date
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help withthe housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store :invisible
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help withthe housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store :invisible
panmanmatt
Well-Known Member
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and brought it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married", she said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious and adorable little dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods; if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and brought it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married", she said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious and adorable little dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods; if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in
front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
read, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic,12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The
husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the
shot...
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in
front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
read, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic,12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The
husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the
shot...
Time to bump this funny thread 
7 degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment, and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know
if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She opens her purse to take out the gun. As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde is bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, (a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman), sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked t o find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
7 degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment, and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know
if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She opens her purse to take out the gun. As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde is bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, (a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman), sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked t o find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
