OT: Need a laugh??

Woodstock

Woodstock

The Wand Geek was here. ;)
RS STAFF
Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.

Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.

I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do.

What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,

"I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,

"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........





"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
 
Woodstock

Woodstock

The Wand Geek was here. ;)
RS STAFF
Hahaha~~

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he
sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says,
"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "what's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40
please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll
have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the
same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a
steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the
ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will
be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How
do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket
every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with long legs who agrees with everything I say. "
 
Woodstock

Woodstock

The Wand Geek was here. ;)
RS STAFF
Florida joke

Four women were driving across the country. Each one
was from a different state:

Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.


Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho
started pulling potatoes from her bag

and throwing them out of the window. "What the heck
are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.

"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am
just sick of looking at them!"


A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling
ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida.

"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am
just sick of looking at them!"


Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and
pushed the New Yorker out.
 
Woodstock

Woodstock

The Wand Geek was here. ;)
RS STAFF
Blonde Joke

A blonde called her old boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me.? I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him
in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.? He
studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her
and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then ............ he sighed,


"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
 
Witfull

Witfull

Well-Known Member
First experience horse riding

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
 
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