I just remembered this story, but I am sure I posted it on here somewhere so if you read it go and watch Oprah give houses to homeless cats with Alzheimer disease.
I had a guy on the job who we called Speedy. This was the remodel of the New York City Playboy Club (where I would have worked for free but they insisted on paying me)
I never saw someone as incompetent as Speedy. I don't know how he got dressed in the morning.
For instance. I told him to install the little grills on the stairs in the night club so the light shines on the steps. Night clubs are purposely dark so you just want to light up the step. He installed all them up side down. He said you couldn't see the light if they shined on the steps. I told him: You don't want to see the light, just the step.
Then around the perimeter there was cove lighting at the ceiling with a little flood light every 6". There were hundreds of them. We had to install these metal plates that were 6" X 6" in between every light. Simple because there was a screw sticking out for each one and all he had to do was put a nut on each one.
We turned the lights on and I said Wow, he really did it good. Then the steel plates, which would give you a nice gash if it hit you started to fall down.
I looked and they were all taped up with electrical tape so when the lights heated the tape, they all fell down. He said he couldn't get the nut on.
I had him install a baffle over the lights on the bar. He slipped and pulled the entire fixture down and broke it.
Going to lunch as we walked down the stairs I told him to straighten the switch plate. (we didn't want him come to lunch with us)
He hit the plate with a pliers and broke the plate and switch.
I told him to gather all the tools and put them in the gang box (big tool box) on the sidewalk and wait for the truck to pick them up.
I went outside (on Fifth Ave, and 59th st Manhattan) and thousands of dollars worth of tools were scattered all over the sidewalk and the box was locked. No sign of Speedy.
So I knew we couldn't get him to do the simplest thing so I had him sit in a chair in the middle of the showroom and I took two dead wires out of the ceiling and told him to sit there and don't move. Just keep putting these wires together every second and I am going on the roof to test for them.
After a few hours i forgot about Speedy and was going home. I came to the place where he was, and he was still sitting there putting those two wires together.
My Union had us keep him working no matter what because he was some important guys son and he needed a couple of weeks working to get his card and no one else could take him because he was too stupid. Then they wanted to make him an office worker probably throwing out the garbage but I doubt he could do that as he was under qualified.