Cat's Healing Gift

[DrHank]

Thanks for sharing your story Cat. I hope that by telling us you were able to shed some of the hurt that you must have been holding in. I know that Jack is very proud of you and would want you to move on. Hopefully now you can. You've found a lot of friends here (myself included) who wish you the best and would love to help you any way we can.

[caitrina]

Now before I continue onward, I want to address those who left comments that I did not yet respond to, if I miss you, stay tuned I am not done, just have to distance myself momentarily….

Originally Posted by kathywithbirds

I'm in! I'm glad you have such a wonderful project to help you through.

Thank you Kathy, it is a wonderful project and I think has helped keep me sane at times, well as sane as I can be anyway.

Originally Posted by Scouter Steve

Fantastic attitude Cat, can I borrow it?
Now, on with the show.

Thank you Scouter Steve for joining the walk. The attitude I believe is buried somewhere deep within each of us and that perhaps it takes tradgedy to bring it forth. If it is learned through experience than I would gladly loan it out to help others avoid pain and suffering.

Originally Posted by ScubaDrew

Can't wait to follow you along!

Glad to have you join us and thanks for joining.

Originally Posted by goldenmean

Goldenmean , thanks for joining also and for making it a happier walk!

Originally Posted by tippMANn98

Now that the BS is over, gotta KEEP going. (Listen to what he would say)
Lets see that living masterpiece of yours..

We are getting there, slowly and it is quite interesting to not only see the tank come together but the pictures get better which shows the physical healing of my hands. After Jack is gone they get really bad because I no longer had his help which you will see and then there is improvement! Anyway, he would definitely be making that statement so let us go!

Originally Posted by Dentoid

I'll be right there beside you Cat!


"The life that conquers is the life that moves with a steady resolution and persistence towards a predetermined goal. Those who succeed are those who have throughly learned the immense importance of plan in life, and the tragic brevity of time."...W.J. Davison

Glad you are here my friend. Thanks!

Originally Posted by Dentoid

This just keeps getting more endearing!

Again, I am glad you are here, thanks for hanging out this far.

Originally Posted by Mermaid

Hi,

I love your name! I had a beautiful baby, my first, and I gave her your name (only spelled a little different) I could only hope that she would have grown up as beautiful as you. She only lived a few hours and I had wanted her for a while. However my life has been full with three wonderful girls that come just a little later. Time is your friend. All of these good people are there for you.


Mermaid

Thank you Mermaid. I am sorry that you suffered such a loss, a loss I don’t know that I could endure, but am glad you had 3 wonderful girls to help ease the pain of your loss. Thank you for joining this walk.

Originally Posted by GeeWizzItsMe

Can't wait for more pics!

The pics get better, eventually!

Originally Posted by sasquatch

Checking in on the walkathon, take your time Cat, we'll be here.Steve

Glad you checked in, turning out to be a long walk, but hey maybe I will lose a lb or 2.

Originally Posted by Techno-Vicki

I'm walking with you too. Thank you for sharing this journey; it helps us all remember how precious every day is, and how amzing life is - especially the diversity under the sea. ON with the walk...........................................

Thank you Vicki for joining the walk…the more the merrier and I would hope that those who take life for granted or sweat the little stuff in life would take a moment and live, enjoy the things we are given and let those we love see/feel what is in our hearts.

Originally Posted by AQTCJAK

I have someone who's hand I can hold now

That was sweet, glad we got some hand holders here, you watch him Vicki, none of that other stuff til you get home Glad you are making the journey together.

Originally Posted by bluespotjawfish

Let's continue on our walk 'bout

Walk-on….thanks for joining this walkathon

Originally Posted by dobejazz

Can I dance along while you all walk? Great Journey Cat thank you so much for sharing

Certainly may dance, I love to dance and so did Jack. Maybe that was a sign….our wedding song which he picked out had to do with dancing, so perhaps he is walking with us. Anyway, it keeps this whole crowd upbeat, eh?

Originally Posted by lcstorc

I'll have to hobble along on my crutches for a while but will anxiously watch for updates.

Come on Gimpy! We can gimp together!

Originally Posted by GeeWizzItsMe

Awww, I saw some really fun scooter blennies at the LFS, you really must have liked that one! They are cute!

The blennies were our favorite fish. I was so sad when we lost him. He brought us A LOT of joy.

Originally Posted by kathywithbirds

Awesome pics, Caitrina! I read you got Lynn's aquapod. I'm jealous, I like those!!

Yepper got that and now I don’t know what I want to do with it yet…:lol

[bluespotjawfish]

Where we going to talk to today? We going to walk along a beach, up a mountain, or down a hill?

I think the sun is shining.

[lcstorc]

You both look so happy in those pics.
Thank you for sharing them with us.
I'll keep gimping along with you.

[Techno-Vicki]

Thanks for sharing the walk and time for more pics? I love your spirit and zest for life. I am so glad to have joined/will continue to join the walk. Like Lynn said, where are we going this morning?

[kathywithbirds]

Are you going to start a separate thread on the aquapod? What's going in it? Is it a 12 or a 24, I forget? Does it have the sunpod on it? I love those. Pics please!!! (Sorry had too much coffee...)

[lcstorc]

It is a 24 and does not have the Sunpod at this point. I do think she is going to upgrade the lights. Right now it is a stock 24g with a mj900 for the pump.

[DrHank]

Sounds like a good clown fish tank with upgraded lighting and a Rose BTA.

[ScubaRW4]

Hi Cat. I just joined the walk tonight after getting back out of the hospital again this afternoon...........been in and out a few times in the past couple of weeks, so walk slowly so I can keep up with the group (or drop some bread crumbs that I can follow.) Your chronicle is both touching and inspiring. I wish I would have had the honor of knowing Jack and watching the love between the two of you.
Okay........so are there more places to walk to?

[vdituri]

Originally Posted by bluespotjawfish

Where we going to talk to today? We going to walk along a beach, up a mountain, or down a hill?

I think the sun is shining.

Walking up, down it doesn't matter. It's the journey that counts.
The sunshine is in your mind, so you ultimately decide whether it is shining or not.
Let the sunshine in.

[caitrina]

Originally Posted by ScubaRW4

Hi Cat. I just joined the walk tonight after getting back out of the hospital again this afternoon...........been in and out a few times in the past couple of weeks, so walk slowly so I can keep up with the group (or drop some bread crumbs that I can follow.) Your chronicle is both touching and inspiring. I wish I would have had the honor of knowing Jack and watching the love between the two of you.
Okay........so are there more places to walk to?

Hi Bob, Missed you and wondered about you, glad to have you back and thanks for joining the walk. I won’t leave a trail of bread crumbs, because surely they would be eaten with all the wild life here on RS, but I will post signs instead, that way you will be sure to find us, and I will back track every few steps so you are not walking alone.

So the walk continues. Let’s go :
The next few days were rather hectic and I found a lot of comfort in the aquarium when the days activities were through. I had many people at the house and my best friend from Pensacola found as much enjoyment and comfort in the tank and enjoyed traveling to the LFS with me before she had to return home.

She even had her first lesson in water changes because I wasn’t able to do them. Well, we struggled together and managed to do it and everything lived. YEAH! I did something right, don’t know what, but I did. Soon it was time for her to go and I was alone in not knowing what to do. Almost everyday I went to an LFS. I didn’t really buy too much because I wasn’t able to really place the stuff in the tank and I no longer had anyone to share this new interest with. I was alone and sharing my trials, tribulations, discoveries, and purchases with a ghost. I remember most people in the LFS would look at me strangely because I would just kind of hang out there and stare into each tank and then go home to look at mine.

I was definitely lost. I didn’t know what I had in the tank as far as the amount of rock ( I just remember it being over 100 lbs), the sand, the lights, or even the corals. I had to learn how to do all of this alone and with several disabilities. Well, the first purchase after Jack died was a little fish that he had seen and wanted. One day I went into the LFS and there it was. (I now think that it really wasn’t the same one because the one we were looking at was really neon-ish colored and peeking out of a tube at us. I think it was some type of Goby.) Anyway, I got this fish, a bi-colored Pseudochromis. He of course was named Jackie. Jackie quickly made himself at home and became the most territorial fish in the tank, but I had fun watching him. He was my sand mover, for hours he would take a mouthful of sand go to the other side of the tank, spit it out, go back and do it all over again. For a bit of variety in the process he would chase anyone who would get in his way. His antics made me smile.

Jackie is in this picture, see him all blurred back there by the clown.

The last fish to be brought into the tank was the Yellow Tang and the Blue Tang. I really don’t know which came first because I can not find pictures of the Blue tang. I do believe he came before the yellow, but they were last. The blue tang was really tiny and so cute. I wish I had those pictures. They must have been really bad and blurred for me not to have them, but anyway here is the yellow tang, Lemon. I still have Lemon and realize I need to find someone who will take him because both Tangs are getting large and need more room. Another of those facts I did not know.

I will really miss Lemon, he is the camera ham. He sees a camera near the tank and he is right in front of it, just has to have his picture taken.

[Triggerjay]

Great thread. Im here for the walk too...


Jason

[Dentoid]

Moving right along! I'm realizing more and more what a gift Jack left for you! Every step makes me more humble and gives me a greater appreciation for the ones I love! Thanks for bring this story to us Caitrina. You're the bestest!

[ScubaDrew]

Scott said it. Every time I read this thread I am forced to take a minute and think about my friends and family. Probably the last thing I thought I would find when getting into reefing and RS was appreciation for the ones I love.

Thank you for sharing this experience.

[caitrina]

Originally Posted by Triggerjay

Great thread. Im here for the walk too...


Jason

Thanks, glad you can walk along with us.

Originally Posted by Dentoid

Moving right along! I'm realizing more and more what a gift Jack left for you! Every step makes me more humble and gives me a greater appreciation for the ones I love! Thanks for bring this story to us Caitrina. You're the bestest!

This gift brought me through many hours. You would not believe the time I would spend in front of it and still do. When Jack was alive I had my chair right next to the tank and many times with him by my side. After he died I moved the chair because it was too easy to reach out to him or say “honey, come watch.” I am glad that you are finding a greater appreciation for your loved ones through my experiences.

Originally Posted by ScubaDrew

Scott said it. Every time I read this thread I am forced to take a minute and think about my friends and family. Probably the last thing I thought I would find when getting into reefing and RS was appreciation for the ones I love.

Thank you for sharing this experience.

Your welcome. Maybe that is why I am here, we are brought into each others lives for a reason, sometimes it isn’t clear, but there is always a reason, whether we see it or not. Anyway, always cherish the moments because you never know when you might be left wishing for one more day. I know my experiences beginning with the death of my first husband made me appreciate everyone who came into my life and so made my relationship with Jack wonderful and good because I had learned to enjoy and respect a relationship and never took it for granted because life can end in a split second. However, this way of thinking sometimes scares people away…oh well

Wow, didn’t mean to get so deep there…now how about we get walking again?

…..Bob, ScubaRW4 if you are out there we are going this way ---> ->

Here is another pic of tank, full tank shot. Can’t see too much, but there are things in there, promise. These pictures are a reminder to me of where I was physically as well as emotionally and it makes me appreciate where I am today. Such a difference. BIG, BIG difference.


Anyway the time passed and days of physical therapy continued, but I still didn’t buy too much. I mostly sat and stared at what I had. It was amazing to see all the things on the rock that I never knew existed. The tank was comforting to me and so full of life and continuously regenerating. Soon I began seeing little feathery things growing on one of the rocks so I rushed to the LFS to find out what it was. I was so excited that I had these feathery things and when I got there I was told, Get rid of it, it is bad, you have Aptasia. What a disappointment that was. So I go home with my new little peppermint shrimps and a syringe to suck off the Aptasia. That in itself was a challenge.. What a joke.. use syringe to suck off Aptasia…I had one good useable hand, the left one, hmmm I am right handed, and also had a frozen shoulder, the right one of course, well when there is a will there is a way. I was able to remove the rock but ended up in a fighting match with this critter for a long period of time, I finally got it off. I never got a picture of my shrimps nor my newly found Aptasia, but I figured that some where along the way I would get another opportunity.

Next thing I discovered was more feathery things coming out of little white tubes on the rocks. I wondered if I should get excited over these or was I going to be disappointed? Really didn’t want to go back to LFS to find out. I liked watching those little guys pop in and out of their tubes. Finally, I reluctantly went back and lo and behold I was allowed to keep these things. Great, because I liked them. They weren’t the greatest things I had ever seen, but they were alive and they were kind of cool.

Then during one of my gazing sessions I saw something in the sand , popping its little head up and wiggling around, if a shadow passed over, it would disappear. Never found out what that was and have not seen it in a very long time, but I called it my slug.

At about this time I believe my tank inhabitants consisted of 1 cleaner shrimp, 1 yellow tang, 1 blue tang, 2 green chromis, 1 bi-colored pseudochromis, 2 clowns, a green feather duster, purple duster, green long tentacle plate, red mushrooms, green mushrooms, button polyps, toadstool leather, lots of snails and blue legged hermits who by the way are all named after Harleys.