OT: I need to vent

[michael_cb_125]

My Mom decided she did not want to be married to my dad anymore after being married 27 years. Well that hindered me getting my tank sooner, and has really screwed up my family. My dad is very stressed out, upset, and spastic. My brother is really Screwed up. I have not talked to her in about a month and a half. Then a week ago she decided she needed to move to the beach. But decided not to let anyone know, until today. She came to the house with a uhual and said she needed help loading stuff. This really pissed me off and made my dad real upset. Anyways I just needed to vent, nobody here wants to hear about it. I cant talk to anyone about it. I know nobody wants to hear about it, but I needed to tell someone.~Michael

[kathywithbirds]

Vent away, Michael. If nothing else, writing about it is theraputic.

[mps9506]

Kinda know how you feel. I went through a similar situation when I was in high school, but it was my dad that decided it was time to up and move.
There were a lot of harsh pent up feelings that took a few years for the family to work out, even now I'm not to close to my dad as a result. But feel free to air it out. It helps.
Hope things work out for ya.

[vdituri]

Vent away man. One of my close friends had the same thing happen. It kind of freaked me out at first because her parents were the same age as mine and had been married around the same amount of time as mine.
I just kind of always felt it was one thing I could always count on. They would always be married. It was a huge scary wake up call.

Her dad was on the road alot selling farm equipment, came back after a couple days on the road to a note saying she had left. After 25 years! A note.

Sucks man. Hope things get better.

[framerguy]

I'm SO sorry for what's happening to your family. Mid life crisis' can be absolute HELL, and I assume that's what this is. I went through one, fortunately my wife and I came out on the other side together. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 11... I'm 43 now and they STILL hate each other with a passion. (this is the vent forum, right?). Don't hate your mother, (I tried it, it didn't stick) you can be angry with her, but stop there. She still loves you, I learned that doesn't change. I know this doesn't help in any way, just know that......( had a hard time finishing this sentence) ......life WILL go on, and you STILL have two parents who love you.

[mps9506]

Originally Posted by framerguy

Don't hate your mother, (I tried it, it didn't stick) you can be angry with her, but stop there. She still loves you, I learned that doesn't change. I know this doesn't help in any way, just know that......( had a hard time finishing this sentence) ......life WILL go on, and you STILL have two parents who love you.

I couldn't agree with this more. Took me a while to get over it with my dad. We still aren't close.... But I learned not to be mad at him or be angry over the situation. That helped a lot.

[Techno-Vicki]

Yes, go ahead and vent. I went through something similar, and my parents got back together, but I am not sure that was really the best decision - when you are with someone as a partner, you put their best interests before yours. One of my parents never did learn that important life lesson. Like was mentioned above, time does heal and this is a good place to vent.

[Dentoid]

Michael we are all here as your extended family. Venting is encouraged and healthy. I for one feel honored that you would share such a sensitive subject.

It is normal to have feelings of anger, denial and depression when these kinds of life events take place. They can truly be life changing for all involved. It's a part of maturing and many times we kick and scream on our way to maturity and change.

You can not make these feelings go away, but you can lessen them by putting your feet in your mothers shoes and try to imagine the difficulty she had coming to this decision. In most cases these are not rash decisions, but long thought out and most times grueling decisions by the unhappy party.

Yes, yours and your brother's lives will change, but they are not ruined. You will have to make changes in the way you interact with your parents apart but she is your mother and I'm sure she still loves you. A mothers love for her children never fades! That's because you are a part of her. The best thing you can do and it's going to be hard, is talk to your mother about her unhappiness and what brought her to this decision. Don't get mad, don't get disgusted, if she confides in you it may make getting over this a little easier. She may not confide in you at first to protect your feelings, but keep trying. Understanding and love is what will get you through this. Living with resentment will make for a lifetime of agony.

Same thing goes for your father. Talk to him about this. They both owe you and your brother an explanation.

In the meantime your RS family is here to help you in this difficult time.

[michael_cb_125]

Thanks oo much everyone, I really feel like I can talk to everyone here.

[cracker]

Hang in there Michael ,I also went thru a situation very close to mps. Still not close to my father either. If we can help in some way just ask.

[michael_cb_125]

Thanks everyone, I just have to get over HATING my MOM. I guess I will eventually, but I know we will never be the same. It is just wierd even seeing here right now. But, thanks again~Michael

[DrHank]

Michael if things seem to be getting too much you can also always get some help locally too. You can talk to your school's guidance counselor, your clergyman, your doctor, the school nurse, or your local division of children and families. All of them will know how to put you in touch with someone locally that you can talk to.

Venting is a healthy thing and I think that we all feel honored that you chose us to talk to. Remember though that we are all scattered across the country and none of us professionally trained as mental health professionals. If you feel that things are getting too difficult, get some help locally. Best of luck to you and things will work out in time.

[michael_cb_125]

I dont feel depressed or even sad. I am just irritated that she would do this to my Dad. To be honest I really dont care that she left, I just feel bad for my dad and little brother.

[Cougra]

My parents split after 29 years of mariage as well and it did take a little getting used to however in the case of my parents I amazed they stayed together as long as they did because they were misserable living together.
Sometimes things like this can work out for the best and once things settle down a bit you may be able to understand the reasons why she left. Your right things wont be the same, Christmas and Thankgiving will feel like something isn't right or missing as well. I know even though I understood why my mom left my dad and was actually glad of it, I found that the holidays were a little harder to get through at first and some questions that people ask will bring up all the hard feelings and sence of loss for a while.

However, for now it's OK to be angry, upset, hurt, feel betrayed and sympathetic towards your father and brother and even feel bad for yourself. It's scary for the people left behind because they weren't prepared for such a drastic change in their lives. However as mentioned, try not to say to yourself "I hate her and will never talk to her again." because "never" is a long time and will make trying to learn to live with the new life that has been chosen for you a lot harder. It's OK to say "I hate her right now" or "I'm really angry right now" or even to say that you have a hard time seeing how you can ever forgive her but try not to close any avenues of communication with her if at all possible. You'll learn to deal with it in your own way and in your own time. Don't let anyone rush you through your feelings and if someone tells you something you are feeling is wrong then ignore them because they don't know what they are talking about.

Hang in there, you will be eventually be OK and you will learn and grow from this experience.

[Frankie]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this kinda thing buddy. I went through very similar stuff when i was a child. I want you to know that even though were not all in physical contact, we are spiritually. You are a big part of this end of life and i see you as family just as everyone else here. I am proud that you are willing to be so strong and put into words your thoughts. Not everyone can do that and they bag it. Then it festers and shapes negative thinking. You just keep on venting! If you need to talk please call. I will pm my number.