OT: Women of RS Thread

[nikkipigtails]

we had Olivia at a hospital that has children flown to it from all over because it has the best doctors in the area. it has the Nemours Children Hospital and a state of the art NICU. We wanted to make sure that if something were to happen she wouldn't have to be sent somewhere.

[rlcline76]

I need a beer.
The 4yr old hit again today after he didn't like me telling him to wait for something. I would like to get this behavior to stop before he starts school.

[nikkipigtails]

let's both have one. Tommy's coming home a day early so, hopefully, I'll get a little bit of a break.

[rlcline76]

Sounds like a solid plan!
I am so happy that both kids are napping so that I can stare at the walls for a few minutes!

[rlcline76]

Originally Posted by BarbMazz

I'm trying to remember what we did when mine were that age, and I honestly can't remember! Maybe we beat them! No, I don't think so. You gotta do whatever works, that's for sure.

Once they could write we had them sit down and write about what they did wrong. The writing, which was age appropriate, had to include: what they did, why they did it, why they wouldn't do it again, and at least one solution that was different and more productive than the solution they had chosen which had gotten them into trouble. I do know we never "grounded" them as they got older. That was more of a punishment for me than it was for them. These writings started as lists when they were small and progressed to essays. They hated doing it, but one son is a journalist, so it didn't harm him too much. They all three always had A's in english classes, too.

I had my 4yr old write "I hit." over and over until he got to the end of his writing tablet...which equals about 6 times. By the time he completed the third copy, he apologized. Tomoorw we are doing it in lower case.

[BarbMazz]

Originally Posted by rlcline76

I had my 4yr old write "I hit." over and over until he got to the end of his writing tablet...which equals about 6 times. By the time he completed the third copy, he apologized. Tomoorw we are doing it in lower case.

Heck, it's worth a try. I do think writing it makes them think about what they do more than yakking in their faces does. I'm glad he apologized! That is such a good sign.

When I read these things you guys are living now I really empathize with you.. there are such wonderful moments, but such REALLY HARD moments too, like you Becky, with this hitting thing. It's hard because you don't know what the future is going to bring, you know? (I'm sure you do) I'm really feeling it right here with you.

While I have really very, very good memories of when my children were small, I am so relieved they are all grown because all that un-sureness is in the past; I can be truly relaxed now.

If there is EVER anything I can do or say to help you guys in ANY way I hope you'll PM me or post here or something. I don't know; maybe an older woman's pov who isn't related to you can be helpful or reassuring.

Just sayin'.

[rlcline76]

I'm probably a little tougher on my kid than some. My two brothers went the exact opposite way with rearing than I did. They didn't start setting even the most basic boundaries from the start, and then when they started restricting (usually around the time the kids started school) it became quite the scene. One of them turned out to be bipolar and needed extra structure. Tried burning down the house, was always threatening to kill himself, and was kicked out of the public school system. He goes to a special school for kids who have issues. I am sure he will be sitting there until high school. My youngest nephew is getting there. Started kindergarten last Fall and has been suspended for attacking the teacher and other kids. Was suspended right before his 6th birthday party. Do you think the party was cancelled? So the kid had a day off from school and he got presents. Neat-o!

I asked the 4 year old if he wanted to see his younger brother get in trouble for hitting. Told me no. I asked him if he wanted him to get in trouble for attacking the doors and walls. Told me no. Asked him if he wanted to see him get in trouble for throwing nasty fits. Again, no. I told him that he was teaching the 1 yr old how to act and that he needs to teach him how to be good. It is going to take awhile. He's a good kid, but he is something else when he is ticked.

[BarbMazz]

Boundaries are good for sure. Teaching them boundaries when they're small translates (usually) to them learning to set their own when they're bigger. And, helps in them knowing how to set boundaries for other people regarding themselves, too. I think it sounds like you're doing good.

This hitting reminded me of my son, Chris. When he was around 4ish he had terrible temper tantrums. When he got mad he'd throw himself down; classic tantrum, screaming, kicking, crying, red face. Very embarassing in public. I didn't know what to do.

Finally, I decided he didn't know what to do either. I started kneeling by his ear and telling him I understood that he was very angry, and would try to explain why (in little kid terms). It was usually pretty easy to figure out what had triggered it, I just never knew how to STOP it. Me explaining it to him started to help. I think it was NAMING the emotion that helped, if that makes any sense.

I told him it was perfectly okay to be mad, but it wasn't okay to kick and scream. When he was calm we worked on ways he could act that would be different and appropriate. Most were pretty silly, and it really helped. Mostly, I wanted him to say "I'm really mad right now" instead of collapsing on the floor.

It took a few months, but he was able to get it under control and the tantrums stopped. I wanted to make sure he knew it was okay to be mad or angry or frustrated. It just wasn't okay to kick and scream and cry and lay on the floor when he felt that way.

[kathywithbirds]

Oh boy I'm glad I only have one.

Mine has OCD. I swear to god. She must wear exactly what she wants HOW she wants it. For years it's been dresses only, with "pritty shoes," which means pretty much "occasion" shoes, preferably that "clip clop." We were recently told she wants to wear pants now, but the tee shirt must be tucked in and if there is a belt it cannot be in the loops and the socks CANNOT roll down under the pants or she loses it. I mean holy cow. We had a time out in the mall the other day because we got her a pair of new sneakers (that met her requirements, and because she was slipping around in her favorite "pritty shoes"). Well the tongue wasn't sitting down completely flat and she was bending over every five seconds to fix them. Then having a fit because she couldn't get them not to do it. Then having another fit because the striped socks her aunt sent for St. Patty's day wouldn't stay over he knees like she wanted. When I tried to help she went to hit me. Not hard, she knows not to hit but the intent was there. So we went for a time out on a bench and I had to coax my husband into ignoring her. He doesn't do so well with that. He can't forcibly tune her out when it's necessary like when she's losing it for no reason but there's no cause to time her out or when she IS in a time out. Makes it doubly frustrating for me.

[kathywithbirds]

Another thing... are your kids CONSTANTLY on/near/talking to/asking for something/ basically ALWAYS on you? Erin's not a bad kid, really, she's pretty good. She has her own variations of age-appropriate things going on.

Maybe this really is my fault -- she sleeps with us, goes to bed at the same tiem we do and really can't be not in the same room with us. I am flabbergasted during the twice I can count that she's actually been in her own room playing by herself. We didn't have room in our first place, and the times we tried to do that thing where you put her ot bed, do a bath, read a book, kiss goodnight and basically wait out the screaming didn't work. I had to work, Mike had to work, we were exhausted to begin with and couldn't take hours and hours of this. So she sleeps with us.

[rlcline76]

I need whatever lovin I can get, so my kids have their own space. The oldest always has had his own room and only slept with us if we had guests visiting. The youngest slept in our room for the first month because we were moving from a 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom. He does not do well sleeping anywhere but in his crib. So I am lucky in that regard.

And yes, my 4 yr old has me missing the days when he didn't speak. It seems like he needs something every 5 seconds. The occasional nod, mmmm hmmm is not good enough. I better answer or it goes on forever! LOL Once he was being his usual demanding 4 yr old self and was throwing a fit. Once he calmed down and could better verbalize he told me that I tell him "no" too much. So I am working on being a bit more permissive to avoid some of the headaches.
Now he is into Star Wars and Legos...and both together. He talks about it all day. It'll start in the morning with him asking me something about my routine. A question like: "Are you making coffee?" is loaded. As soon as I answer...he start in with "Yeah, because the storm troopers broke my X-Wing fighter and Princess Leia isn't wearing any clothes." Then he'll get out the catalogs and they are all open to the same page..."I need to get bigger and stronger for this." "I don't need Jengo Phet...but I want him. Yeah." Alllllll day long. Once I went outside for a quick escape and he brought the catalog to the door and was pointing things that he had on his wish list. Told him if he didn't put that catalog in his room, I was going to take it away. It worked until I came back in the house then I saw him peeking at me from the hallway, catalog in hand.

Barb, I think I will be OK as soon as he can differentiate between the physical part of anger and the ability to communicate when I hit a sore spot. I won't even try to talk to him when he is going nuts. I do my best to remove him from any audience he might have and once he catches his breath then we start talking. "You make me cry." is often followed by me telling me that he makes me cry, too. lol

[BarbMazz]

Originally Posted by kathywithbirds

Another thing... are your kids CONSTANTLY on/near/talking to/asking for something/ basically ALWAYS on you? Erin's not a bad kid, really, she's pretty good. She has her own variations of age-appropriate things going on.

Maybe this really is my fault -- she sleeps with us, goes to bed at the same tiem we do and really can't be not in the same room with us. I am flabbergasted during the twice I can count that she's actually been in her own room playing by herself. We didn't have room in our first place, and the times we tried to do that thing where you put her ot bed, do a bath, read a book, kiss goodnight and basically wait out the screaming didn't work. I had to work, Mike had to work, we were exhausted to begin with and couldn't take hours and hours of this. So she sleeps with us.

I had Andrea 4-1/2 yrs after the twins, and she was a dream baby; slept all night long at 3 weeks old, 5 hrs between feedings during the day... a really easy baby. She was so easy to take care of compared to how the twins had been! I enjoyed nursing her and rocking her; I nursed her till she was 18mos old, and right into a bedtime problem.

I always nursed her to sleep at night, and would put her to bed asleep. Big mistake, it turned out. She did not know how to go to sleep alone. Once I stopped nursing her, I had to teach her how to go to sleep in bed alone. It took, I swear, months.

First, I sat on her bed, holding her hand or with my hand on her back. I slowly, each week, moved farther away. I mean inches at a time because she became so upset if she noticed the difference. I was never big on my kids being upset for something like being alone at bedtime. It was so tiring, but I brought it on myself and felt I owed it to her to do it at the pace she needed to feel secure enough to go to sleep alone in a dark room. It took a couple months for me to be able to sit in the hallway outside her room for her to go to sleep.

At that point we had a celebration, and she felt pretty "big girl" and potty trained herself at 20 months. I begged her to wear a diaper at night because she couldn't go all night and couldn't go in the bathroom all by herself at night either. She refused to wear the diaper, and I was exhausted because she was so thrilled to be using the toilet.

Now she's 22 and lives in her own apartment. I think she uses the bathroom alone at night too. Ahhh. She's still my good baby, too. She still sits on my lap to be rocked, too, and I loce it!

Anyway, you might want to start working on Erin sleeping in her room, Kathy. The transition would need to be VERY gentle though, I think. Some things need to be treated with really soft kid gloves and I think sleeping issues are one of them. Maybe rewards with some brand new Big Girl privileges built in that will encourage independence on her part.

[rlcline76]

Now she's 22 and lives in her own apartment. I think she uses the bathroom alone at night too. Ahhh. She's still my good baby, too. She still sits on my lap to be rocked, too, and I loce it!

...and if she isn't getting up to use the bathroom all by herself, don't blame you! LOL

My son has to be woken up a couple of hours after he falls asleep to use the bathroom. He sleeps too soundly, but he stopped wearing pull-ups shortly after he turned 3. Since his brother is in diapers it seems less attractive.

[kathywithbirds]

The guys' thread is talking about man boobs. ROTFLMAO...

and Terry is wondering what we're talking about!!!


... wonder if any of them use the potty by themselves in the middle of the night?

[BarbMazz]

Originally Posted by rlcline76

Now she's 22 and lives in her own apartment. I think she uses the bathroom alone at night too. Ahhh. She's still my good baby, too. She still sits on my lap to be rocked, too, and I loce it!

...and if she isn't getting up to use the bathroom all by herself, don't blame you! LOL

My son has to be woken up a couple of hours after he falls asleep to use the bathroom. He sleeps too soundly, but he stopped wearing pull-ups shortly after he turned 3. Since his brother is in diapers it seems less attractive.

That's right!! Don't blame me! LOL Believe me, there's plenty of other stuff she can and probably WILL blame me for. That Catholic school for one LOL

My sons took way longer to potty train than my daughter. They were past 3. I remember worrying about pre-school, but they had enough control for the three hours they were there. I'd say they were reliable by 3-1/2 unless they were sick or something. Girls are just different for stuff like that, I think.