[Witfull]

The night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the prison
Everybody was quiet, no voice was risen
The thugs were tucked in their beds good and tight
As the morning watch hacks settled in for the night

The yards were deserted, as the staff made their rounds
There was only the wind with no other sound
All was quiet in the frigid night air
While the lieutenant was warm, asleep in his chair

When out in the yard there arose such a sound
Like a great heavy weight fallen down on the ground
And what to the officers' eyes did appear
But a big heavy man with some little reindeer

The man staggered up but someone yelled freeze
Put your hands on your head and get down on your knees
You don't understand, I was making my rounds
The hack said shut up, slammed his face in the ground

Out from his office came the sleepy LT
What the hells going on, why you bothering me
The hack pointed down to the guy on the grass
The LT pulled his bottle and shot out some gas

The fat man went blind from effects of the mace
While the reindeer wandered all over the place
Waking up in the towers, shooting into the night
They fired at the shadows crossing their sights

First Dancer, then Prancer, shot numerous times
Donner and Blitzen lay out by the pines
Cupid and Comet both near cut in two
While the Sort team drug fat man over to SHU

I'm Santa the man yelled, I've bags full of toys
For all the good little girls and boys
The LT searched the bags in the wreck of the sleigh
It's all contraband, go on lock him away

No wait came a voice from out of the night
The duty officer came into sight
What's going on? What have I been missing?
Come here my fat fellow I promise I'll listen

The man told his story as the DO stood by
So sad was the tale they all started to cry
The sight of dead reindeer and the wreck of the sleigh
Bade the DO say, Santa go on get on your way

Then they took off the handcuffs, he stood in the night
Shaking his head at the terrible sight
Loaded the reindeer, then pushing his sleigh
Out the back gate, slowly going away

And they heard him say something as he went up the hill
In the cold winter night, now quiet and still
Be a cold day in hell, yelled the fat little man
Before I ever fly over a prison again
-----
US Dept of Justice
Federal Bureau of Prisons
Senior Officer