IMHO if you have the room and the $$$ I would definitely suggest you go with the biggest tank you can afford right
now instead of upgrading. ALL the equipment you get for the smaller tank will need to be upgraded so in the long term it'll be much more expensive. I too started with a small tank and it's my biggest regret I have since I've been in the hobby. I started with a 30 went to a 45 and now a 93 gallon and I have spent a small fortune upgrading. Just my 2 pennies.
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What diameter of sand is recomended?
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I would go with the finest sand you can find which will give you a large surface area for bacteria. Since your going FO you can also go Bare Bottom with no substrate at all which will be easier to clean.